“It’s a fact.”
That’s what my sweetie said when I begged him to stop giving a replay of all the putts he missed in yesterday’s golf tournament.
He reported it was one of his most frustrating games ever. He was driving brilliantly – straight and long and impressive – but his short game was in the toilet.
He proceeded to tell me about every single putt he missed.
“Please stop saying that,” I pleaded. Not because I didn’t want to hear it, not because it matters to me how he plays, but simply because the more he tells it the more he recreates it. And I know it’s not what he wants!
“But it’s a fact,” he said.
It is a fact. It is that.
But we deliberate creators know that’s not a good enough reason to tell the story of something. Just because it’s true, doesn’t mean we have to focus on it if it isn’t what we want more of.
That’s not what this post is about, though.
I’m actually wondering about the opposite – if we creators can sometimes get too far away from the facts for our own good. Are there times when denying reality doesn’t serve us?
I’m thinking in particular about a story I told about my past that was a dramatically altered version of what “really happened.”
In my version, everything was fine, everything was normal. It was a story I told without emotion and one that fit well into my view of an overall good life.
But in my coach’s version, I was date raped as a 16 year old virgin.
That sure didn’t fly with the version I told.
And yet – in the clear light of day – those were the facts.
The lowdown: a 23 year old brother of a high school friend gave me a couple pills and told me to take them. As a naive people-pleasing teenager, I did. And I remember nothing else. (My girlfriend filled me in on a few details, but my memory is conveniently blank on all of it.)
Now, I wasn’t practicing deliberate creation back then, just apparently doing what many victims of violence or trauma do – alter their version of the story or block it out altogether. All this time not realizing that this experience I wasn’t consciously acknowledging has been affecting my capacity for intimate relationships ever since.
As I came to terms with the reality, I wondered if maybe I wasn’t better off with my sanitized, sugar-coated version.
I mean, isn’t that what deliberate creation is all about? Finding thoughts that feel better? My version was much more palatable:
I was almost 17, had a huge crush on an older guy who gave me a couple pills one day. Luckily I don’t remember anything after that. From what I hear, it’s a pretty awful experience that first time.
That’s way better than date rape, for hell’s sake!
And yet, where that has gotten me in terms of relationships with men doesn’t speak super highly for itself.
So, yes, this is an extreme example, but it makes me wonder the proper role of reality in our deliberately created lives.
Should my sweetie be talking about all the putts he keeps missing? Well, he is building up a nice bit of contrast the more he does that – so by the time he switches focus his golf game is going to ROCK! But other than that, I don’t think it helps.
Should I be acknowledging that I never consented to my first sexual experience – and that it’s subtly impacted my trust level with men ever since? I don’t think in this case denial has helped.
When I wonder what would Abraham say, their succinct words ring through my head: “Own it and get over it.”
I know some people get into deep debt as they deny the reality of their financial situations and “la la la” (fingers in ears) their way through credit card limit after credit card limit. I don’t think that’s the kind of denial that serves our deliberate creation.
Some people try to make the best of a really bad employment situation, insisting to themselves that they’re lucky to have this job, plenty of people would kill for it, etc. etc. … through the course of which they deny their souls the very lifeblood required to thrive in this world.
Some folks do it in relationships – storytelling to themselves that things are just fine. After all, you can’t have everything you want in a partner. In that twisted sort of acceptance/denial combo, they dismiss their chances for true happiness.
Not because they need to be with a different person or have a different job in order to be happy, but because when we don’t acknowledge where we’re disconnected, we don’t make good room for the re-connection.
And reconnecting is what vibrational alignment is all about.
So this is my question to you deliberate creators: to what extent does telling the “facts” serve your best enjoyment of life? How do you know when denying reality serves you and when it hinders you? How do you tell the difference between putting a happy face sticker on the empty fuel gauge, versus finding a genuinely better feeling thought?
As I’m finding my own answers, I’m realizing that I can be with the “facts” without falling into a victimy story of those facts. I can have compassion for myself without feeling sorry for myself. And I choose where I go from here. You can probably guess that I’ve got my sights set squarely on that vortex!
I can find my way to that vortex best when I’m not dismissing, minimizing or denying my life experience. Rather, owning the truth of who I am and where I’m headed.
How about you? How does fact and fiction play out in your deliberate creation?